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And all subsided in the hush
that followed, in the calm
of great wings folding
and shadowy forms lying down.
I rose and left that room,
the house of my grief
and my bondage, my book
never again to be opened.
To see as once I saw,
steadied by the darkness
in which I walked
and would make my way.
John Haines
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< Human Potential Articles < Courage to Change
Courage to Change
by David Fireman, LCSW
To a great extent, courage means facing our own inner demons. That is, turning toward, instead of away from, our emotional intensity and pain.
It’s also about working hard to avoid unhealthy, defensive strategies we use to cope with our problems.
Some of these include: self-medicating or numbing out; staying too busy to focus inside; anger and aggression; blaming others or external forces.
Instead, we slowly learn to tolerate our emotions. We let them be. This means being willing to find out just how needy we are, how deprived, cheated or depleted we feel.
Courage also means taking considered risks to: reach out for help from others (i.e., two categories of help are informal: family, friends, intimate partners, coaches, mentors, sponsors; and formal: health professionals such as therapists, doctors, spiritual guides).
Courage is also about searching for friends who are on a learning and healing path. It is trying out new skills and behaviors. It is a commitment to continue learning and making mistakes. But in order to learn we have to admit we don’t know something, so we also have to tolerate our limits and our slow pace of change.
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Copyright, 2011
David Fireman, LCSW
www.griefcounselor.org
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News and Events
Community Walk for Grief Support: Celebrating 25 Years of Transformation
The Center celebrated its 25th year anniversary with a fund raiser walk in Rogers Park, Chicago on June 4.
[read more]
Community Walk for Grief Video
The Center is expanding again! We'd like to introduce you to Paul Martin, PsyD. We are very excited to welcome Paul to the Center. Please learn about his work by visiting our bio section or clicking on this link.
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The Center's New Sibling Loss Group - An Ongoing Group Therapy Experience for adults struggling with sibling loss offers a unique opportunity to learn, grow, and heal grief and loss . . . [read more]
Healing Our Losses - An Ongoing Group Therapy Experience for adults struggling with loss offers a unique opportunity to learn, grow, and heal grief and loss . . . [read more]
New Workshops
More Power to You - Sat. Apr. 21st and Sun. Apr. 22nd,CLARET CENTER,Chicago IL 60637, Facilitated by Allan Schnarr. . . . [Click for details]
New Articles
Courage to Change . . . - To a great extent, courage means facing our own inner demons. That is, turning toward, instead of away from, our emotional intensity and pain. [read more]
You Know Therapy Is Working When . . . - You feel increasingly uncomfortable with the status quo when it is causing harm. [read more]
Ideas About Mourning - For the griever the future feels shattered; everything hoped for is broken and gone/ lost like a broken mirror. [read more]
Myths and Realities of Mourning - Regrettably, our society maintains a host of unrealistic assumptions and inappropriate expectations when it comes to the work of grief and mourning. Here are some myths to consider:
[read more]
The Difference Between Grief and Mourning - It is critical to know the difference between grief and mourning. Both processes are there to help the bereaved face the reality that their loved one is gone and then to slowly begin to accommodate to that fact. [read more]
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